I'm going to try to be quick and dirty and not rant too much because I wanted to watch this movie as someone who wasn't distracted by the obvious fuck ups this movie started with, and just observe what they made. See if it was at ALL worth it.
Hint: It wasn't.
AS ALWAYS, SPOILERS AHEAD, SO DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW!!! GO WATCH THE FILM FIRST!!!
Alright, I wasn't going to bother watching this film, but a friend had a free ticket, so I was like, "Why not? Maybe I'm being too critical anyway."
Before I get into this film, I'd like to say that I was with a fairly large group of black people. Movie go-ers, fans of the manga, etc. Blerds, if you will. We all had strong feelings about this film going in. Now, being in a crowded movie theater, everyone's talking loudly and whatnot. Someone yelled out, "Prepare to be whitewashed!"
The movie hadn't even started yet, and it wouldn't for another 20 minutes!!
We were immediately singled out, and one of our group took the bullet for it so that the rest of us could watch the film.
The thing is, when the guy came over initially, it was squashed.
Then, one of the Paramount Picture asshats came over further escalating the situation when it didn't need to be escalated further proving that Paramount was really up their ass about the fact that they took this film and smeared their whiteness all over it, and didn't want to be challenged!
Okay, I ranted. I'm sorry, but also, eat a dick. She was in the wrong.
Back to our regularly scheduled program:
Right away, the film is visually breathtaking. The CGI used on this film was AMAZING! It was like, if James Cameron and Disney had a baby and it's name was a shit ton of money. Because that's what was thrown into this film to make it visually appealing.
So much so, that you almost forget that the movie is BORING AS FUCK!!!
The ideals of machines taking over, politicians are dirty as fuck, and the destruction of humanity are lightly touched while the plot of revenge becomes the main focus of this film. And even in that, I can't believe Scarlett Johansson is really interested in this. I understand that her entire body is a machine, but she has a brain, which mean she's capable of complex feels and emotions. None of which she really bothers to get into throughout this fucking film!
And, besides the fact that I was irritated as shit about her being the main character, I was also disturbed by the fact that her past was constantly hidden in plain sight. You never get to see what she looked like before, furthering the disappearance of the Japanese woman she once was while living in the middle of futuristic Japan surrounded by Japanese people.
And, though they brought some parts of the animated film into this, it was clunky at best. The moment at the end when Saito was supposed to save her, not her saving Kuze (played by Michael Pitt by the way. You telling me there wasn't one Japanese shell out there? Or as they "perfected" this shit, they thought white was right?), it's another form of erasure IMHO. I think I saw Saito a handful of times! It was unfortunate.
Juliette Binoche got more screen time getting shot through the glass than he did!
Oh, and also, if you're going to have subtitles on an IMAX film, make sure their not cut off at the bottom of the damn screen!
I'll give this film 4 out of 10 because after you're done being dazzled by it's pretty colors, it all just seems to fall flat.
If you don't care about any of that, go check it out in theaters nationwide March 31st, 2017.
OH! I forgot to mention something. HER NAME IS NOT MAJOR!!!!
She is A MAJOR. It's a fucking rank, not her name. Like, seriously? Even when she had the opportunity to say her name, she called herself Major. Like, bitch whet?
As we say goodbye to James Logan Wolverine Howlett, I have to say, I'm filled with mixed emotions. On the one hand, I am sad that Hugh Jackman is hanging up his claws for good, but on the other, I have to say:
It's about fucking time!
I mean, this dude has been Wolverine for 17 fucking years! That's a feat! But also, Hugh Jackman needs to be able to relax. He gets anymore swole, I'm afraid he might pop.
Here's a glimpse of Wolverine chronologically. I feel like he's kept up pretty well considering he was nearly 200 years old!!!
I mean, if you're going by the fact that Wolverine was what, 10-ish in 1845 and died in 2029??
He looked AMAZING!
(dismiss the 2017 on the last photo)
As you know, or should know, there will be spoilers, so if you don't want those, don't continue to read.
I loved this film! I was worried about the third act as these superhero movies tend to fall flat when it comes to telling a nicely rounded story.
Except you DC, you suck from the very beginning.
But with movies like 'The Last Stand' and 'Apocalypse,' I was more than a little hesitant to go out and see this.
What started to give me hope was the R rating they received to tell this story. Let's be honest, Wolverine is not the mutant you bring home to meet your mother.
Without hope or expectation, I saw it.
And I was not disappointed.
The movie takes place in 2029 and mutants are all but extinct at this point as no new mutants have been reproduced for 25 years.
We find Old Man Logan and a senile Professor X who's suffering from a mental degenerative condition living out their days in isolation with the mutant tracker Caliban. Logan makes money to care for them by being a limo driver.
Things are mumbling along until a woman named Gabriela pleads for him to help her and an 11-year-old girl Laura to safety. Oh, and she worked for Alkali-Transigen corporation.
You know, the fucking bad people!!!!
Initially, Logan doesn't see the point, but that little voice inside of him finally decides to say, "Don't be a dick all your life!"
Also, after killing Gabriela, the bad guys raid his compound risking the life of him and the professor, so he kinda didn't have a choice.
Unfortunately, they get Caliban which doesn't make their little road trip easy.
Throughout the film, you quickly find out that the AT corp(Alkali-Trasigen Corporation) was taking mutant DNA and breeding little mutant weapons. Oh, and that 11-year-old Laura is his biological DAUGHTER!
For Logan, this trip is made extraordinarily difficult because of his lack of healing ability due to age which is even more hindered by the adamantium poisoning he's succumbing to. That with trying to keep the Professor from killing everyone around him with seizures he gets due to his own aging issues.
Having Hugh Jackman and Sir Patrick Stewart reprise their roles one last time, and having them do it together made for a fantastic ride. The paternal feelings Logan felt towards the Professor continue in this film, though I think little Logan (Laura) takes to those feelings much easier than her curmudgeonly father.
Hugh also had to take on himself via yet another failed mutant project X-24. A Wolverine genetic copy with none of Logan's sensibility, but all the rage. A trained killdabeast with a depleted healing power. Even with that, he is quite the adversary.
Logan spends a lot of the movie trying to escape his animalistic side, but is forced to face it one last time to save what little humanity he has left in him.
This last film takes him through his greatest internal journey, I think, of finally opening his heart and living, even though he's on the brink of death at this point. The professor dies still trying to instill this in him all these years later. *dry sobs*
Even though this movie centers around Logan and Professor X, there were no small roles.
Daphne Keen acted her little ass off! Even without words, she was incredible to watch. You're immediately sucked in and want to know what's so special about this little girl. You want to see her thrive, and you want to see her make the right decisions, but you also want to see her kick ass! She earns her right to live even though she was made in a lab.
And then there was Boyd Holbrook the 2nd in command. A cyborg named Pierce who was fucking up Logan's happy place, bringing along his shitty Reavers to crash the party!
And then there was the big bad boogie man Richard E. Grant who played Dr. Zander Rice. A man who was single-handedly responsible for Logan's little bundle of scissor fingered joy, and the depletion of mutants overall.
Oh, and the subsequent death of both Professor X and Logan.
Fuck you man, you suck!!!
Even Stephen Merchant as Caliban! He was a choice I would've never thought of, but even him!
Like with all superhero films, the bad guys gets theirs because Logan goes feral on them bitches!!!
As do the wee little mutant baby rejects before they head off to Canada to start anew, maybe even bringing the mutant population back from extinction... at some point, when they're of consenting age.
I have to say, my allergies were acting up something AWFUL! I had a runny nose and eyes. It was terrible.
*So many tears.*
Sure, the ending opens up for all sorts of X-men sequals, franchise setups, whatever. But one thing's for certain:
There will never be another Wolverine like Hugh Jackman. Or a Professor like Sir Pat Stew.
And so, in the loving words of our favorite mutant, I leave you with this:
I agree with most of the reviews in regards to this film. While watching it, it was fun, but soon afterwards, I wondered what the point is.
It began making it's rounds back in 2014, and has done fairly well for itself finding a home in the obscurity files of Netflix. Honestly, not a bad way to go for a small film.
Unfortunately, that's as big as a splash as I've got for it.
You're distracted by great performances done by Marisa Tomei and Sam Rockwell, but then you're left with one question. Why? I believe Sam Rockwell to always pull out a solid performance (The Poltergeist remake excluded), the problem was, this movie wasn't even about him! The two main characters, Raphael (Ivan Martin) and Dominic (Michael Godere) are immediately outdone by their co-stars and that's a shame, because I was hoping they'd be just as interesting perhaps rising to the occasion. Unfortunately, they fall into obscurity against their counterparts, sort of like this film. The movie is supposed to center around these two actors, but I found that I was INFINITELY more interested in the love triangle that was plopped right in the middle there. The B story quickly became the A story, and then it ended.
For a film that's only about 80 minutes long, do yourself a favor and get to the point.
If you'd like a few chuckles, feel free to check it out on Netflix.
Reviewing movies. I tried to go to once a week, but I think it's best if I post whenever. Right?