It's nearing 2015, and there are days when I can look back on this year and think of what an amazing roller coaster it's been. So many great things have happened in my life, and they're continuing to happen. I can reflect back on this year and be thankful for it as it's been a true blessing. My family is doing well, I'm doing well, and my friends are doing well. I can't ask for anything more and yet I'm consistently blessed with more every day. There should be no reason for me to hold any anger in my heart, but unfortunately I do, And it's all towards an ex of mine. I won't say his name, but the reason he stands out the more than others is because he's the only one I truly, down to a cellular level, dislike. All of the rest (like there were so many) I wish nothing but happiness and positive things for their future. For whatever reason our futures were not destined to be entwined and there are no hard feelings. But for this one guy in particular, I still can't forgive and I think part of the reason is because I never confronted my issues with him. I hadn't spoken out in any way whatsoever. I don't text him or call him. In fact, I've blocked him from my phone, from my Facebook, and basically my life.
What made me think of him recently was when he found my Instagram and liked an age old photo of himself. To which I promptly deleted the photo and made my Instagram private. (It was a photo of him that I'd completely forgotten was there.) I also blocked him as an extra precaution.
All in all I think I've done a pretty decent job of blocking him from getting in contact with me.
When we started dating, it was fine. We had a lot of fun together. He'd come over all the time, we'd go out to eat, either one of us would pay. We could laugh, have serious conversations, etc. It was all good fun. Then feelings got in the mix, and hurt feelings came out. The first few months we were together, we hadn't had a conversation about our relationship, so if he'd been seeing someone then, it wouldn't have bothered me so much because I wasn't exclusive, so why would I ask him to be? When we did have the conversation finally, I asked for two things:
Honesty and Fidelity.
It's safe to assume he failed miserably on both.
Not once, not twice, but on multiple occasions I later found out. Plus, his side chick was apparently a permanent fixture. I had had enough, so I broke it off with him. The straw that broke the camel's back was when he brought this side chick to my apartment and decided to play family man with her kids and walk our dogs together. Besides that, he hadn't had a job the entire time we were together (which he lied about in the beginning. Come to find out he was working the unemployment system), he lived at my place practically, had his dog there, contributed nothing, had no motivation to do so, and when he got tired of being up under me, he'd run up under his side chick. (Some was realization, some was information after the fact.)
Regardless, I ended it. I was not going to be a sugar mama for a man that was older than me!!
Due to some unforeseen circumstances, I had to live with him for a few months longer after we broke up. He hoped that we would get back together, but I already knew I wanted something else. Someone with looks, brains, ambition, hopes and dreams, and could be honest, up front and not have sex with women behind my back. I left for a while and spent some time gaining perspective about how far I'd fallen into this deceiver's web. I had finally had clarity and started immediately looking for a new place to live.
When I'd come back, it only took me a few days before I was renting a u-haul, packing up my things and hitting the road. The day had already started off bad when he'd borrowed my car overnight and hadn't come back until an hour after I needed to go and pick up my truck. He then called himself helping by throwing my things all crazy in the u-haul to which I promptly told him to go mind his own business while I continued to move on with my life. After packing, he had this insane idea that I was going to let him drive me to my new place. Of all the things I was taking with me, the moocher was not one of them. When he realized that it was truly over and I never wanted to see him again, and the fact that he would soon be homeless, his idea of a last desperate attempt at winning me back was to body slam me on the concrete driveway and scream "F*ck You!" While I lay trying to catch my breath and grasp what had just happened.
Now, I believe I had plenty of reason to be upset and dislike him from before, but I think, in hindsight, a lot of this could've been prevented had I just paid attention and listened to my first instinct, but never once had we had an issue where I felt that I was in danger of him laying hands on me. We'd never had a physical, or even attempted physical altercation. I've racked it in my brain one hundred and one times and there was nothing in our history that suggested that this man was physically abusive.
I called the cops, but in the end, I didn't press charges. Something I regret to this very day. A close friend of mine threatened his life every day for the entire five months I was in physical therapy. The emotional therapy is still going on, but I think in a lot of ways I have grown. I've gotten back into my acting and writing, the fear that used to overwhelm me about those has been more or less overcome because you really never know when it could all end.
I just wish I could stop being so angry. I have longer bouts when my head is down and I'm pushing forward or enjoying the company of the people that love me, but any time he's brought up through mutual friends, this seething anger washes over me as if it all had just happened yesterday. This was 2012, and I stall haven't gotten over it. I don't think I ever will completely, but I do hope that as a new year approaches, it'll be easier to move on with my life and continue to receive the many blessings that have been bestowed upon me.
Take Care and God Bless,
This week, I had the pleasure of not having to work. It was the added bonus of having Christmas just this past Thursday for those who celebrate it. Unfortunately for me on both fronts, I was miserably sick. Even now, I'm still getting over this disgusting cold. I hate being sick. Especially when I have a week off to be completely creative. It's... well, I'm just going to say it, it's utter bullshit!
Anyway, I did have a chance to watch and re-watch some holiday films.
The first one I watched was 'The Nightmare Before Christmas.' It's one of my all time favorite films to watch. Easily my favorite Tim Burton film. 'Edward Scissorhands' comes in at a close second. This film never loses it's flare for the magical. Jack Skellington is amazing, Sally is the only sane one there is, and the Oogey Boogey man still gives me shivers. "my bugs, my bugs!" ha ha!
Watching this as a kid, you don't think about the detail that went into making this film. One thing I kind of relish about this film is not really knowing who the voices belong to. I mean, now, I know who Danny Elfman and Catherine O'Hara are, but at the time, there were no credits with the actors' names. You just appreciated the work. And the fact that Patrick Stewart was the voice of the epilogue on the soundtrack, but sadly, they didn't use him for the film. Patrick Stewart is awesome!
I'll admit, the movie watched me for the most part as it was one of my sickest days, but it did lend to some interesting dreams and it made me feel better.
Another film I watched was 'Iron Man 3'. Now, the first time I watched this film, I wasn't as happy with it as I was with the first two. When they'd said The Mandarin was going to be in this one, I was super excited, but the twist as to who The Mandarin was had met let down a bit. But, when I watched it this time, and paid attention, I thought about the first Iron Man and how they'd said that their goal was to update the film so that it had a modern take. Modern in this 3rd film was homeland terrorism used as a cover for people with greedy ambition. Very much like the very world we live in today. It wasn't far fetched at all to think someone would make up a terrorist from the East considering the ease of wide spread panic here in the United States.
Also, I love Robert Downey Jr. He's a fantastic actor and one I look up to considering he's amazing even when he's not doing well.
The last movie I watched wasn't actually a Christmas movie, but it's just so damn amazing that it's hard not to watch it. That movie was 'The Royal Tenenbaums.'
Seriously, how can you watch this movie and not love it? Even Gwyneth Paltrow, whom I despise in so many ways as an actress and a person who runs a shitty blog. I can't imagine anyone else in these roles! I only recently found out how unbearable it was to work with Gene Hackman. No one on the set enjoyed working with him. In fact, Wes Anderson kept Bill Murray on set even on his off days to keep Gene from getting out of control. I would've never guessed he was such an asshole. But, it only served the film as his character was the pariah. But, it also proves that Bill Murray is a total bad ass, and if he'd ever like to come and crash a party, or knock on my door for a beer and a burger, by all means!
And, on a note that needs to stand alone by itself, Luke Wilson was so hot at the end of the movie. Although, even with the long hair, I still would have, because knowing what was hiding under all of that would always be my reward.
Other than that, I did get some wicked gifts, but I was more excited to give. I hope that you all had a wonderful holiday and look forward to the new year as I am!
TOP FIVE was written and directed by Chris Rock. I've never been a die hard fan, but he's intelligent and pokes fun with a purpose. When I heard this film was coming out, I grew curious. I watched the trailer and it definitely intrigued me, but after seeing it, I think I've changed my mind about him.
The movie stars Chris Rock, Rosario Dawson, Gabrielle Union and a slew of cameo performances. The film's main character, Andre Allen (Chris Rock) is doing his best to promote a disastrous attempt at serious film after having a long run of hits in a string of comedies called Hammy and the Bear. One of his attempts is to talk to a reporter (Rosario Dawson) for the day to show that he's turned over a new leaf.
First off, I enjoyed this film. It's smart, hilarious, and engaging from beginning to end. The cameos in this film are some of the best I've ever seen. From DMX to Jerry Seinfeld, no matter how big or small the part was, everyone delivered.
One of the great things about this film is that he doesn't pull back the punches. He's ok with offending some people because that's what comedians do! They make fun of shit and nothing is off limits if you know what you're doing.
There are some parts that are cliche, but to me, I have yet to see a movie in the last ten years that was completely original. The only character I wasn't fond of was the reality television star portrayed by Gabrielle Union. There could've been more to her story that made for an in depth character, but she was simply a place holder, and when it came time for her to be emotional and for us to possibly have a smudge of sympathy for her, it seemed forced and unbelievable.
Though it's definitely a comedy, there's plenty of drama to go around. Reminiscent of a Woody Allen movie, it doesn't give me the creeps like a Woody Allen movie. It could just be that Woody Allen gives me the creeps.
Overall, the story was solid and the characters were interesting. He had some great moments in there that kept the story from becoming stale and the main characters weren't one note. They were genuine with flaws and the ability to change and grow. As a director, he played to most of the other actor's strengths and I believe he stretched himself in his own character as well.
I enjoyed it immensely and can't wait to see what else he has in store for us. If it's anything like this, I'm sure it'll be something to behold.
I know, I know. Before you start, let me just say that this is NOT. I repeat NOT a New Year's resolution. I've actually wanted to start a blog for a while, I've just never done it because I had no idea what to talk about. But, considering that there are millions upon millions of blogs out there talking about absolutely nothing, I figured I had a fighting chance at having one person out there who will read it and enjoy it besides myself.
What will I write about?
Well, I like film, so I'll be writing about films I've seen whether they're recent or not, actors I enjoy watching consistently, actors I can't stand consistently, and music that I've discovered for myself which will probably be old as hell because I'm horrible at catching up with the times when it comes to music. I just am. In between that, I'll be talking about other things that bug me that may or may not have anything to do with the entertainment industry. They may just be me ranting about my life and first world problems. Not Gwyneth Paltrow type rich world problems, but the struggling, average, impossibly awkward, black female living in America type problems and all that goes with that.
All in all, hopes you read. If not, at least I've gotten it off my chest.
Reviewing movies. I tried to go to once a week, but I think it's best if I post whenever. Right?