I'm going to try to be quick and dirty and not rant too much because I wanted to watch this movie as someone who wasn't distracted by the obvious fuck ups this movie started with, and just observe what they made. See if it was at ALL worth it.
Hint: It wasn't.
AS ALWAYS, SPOILERS AHEAD, SO DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW!!! GO WATCH THE FILM FIRST!!!
Alright, I wasn't going to bother watching this film, but a friend had a free ticket, so I was like, "Why not? Maybe I'm being too critical anyway."
Before I get into this film, I'd like to say that I was with a fairly large group of black people. Movie go-ers, fans of the manga, etc. Blerds, if you will. We all had strong feelings about this film going in. Now, being in a crowded movie theater, everyone's talking loudly and whatnot. Someone yelled out, "Prepare to be whitewashed!"
The movie hadn't even started yet, and it wouldn't for another 20 minutes!!
We were immediately singled out, and one of our group took the bullet for it so that the rest of us could watch the film.
The thing is, when the guy came over initially, it was squashed.
Then, one of the Paramount Picture asshats came over further escalating the situation when it didn't need to be escalated further proving that Paramount was really up their ass about the fact that they took this film and smeared their whiteness all over it, and didn't want to be challenged!
Okay, I ranted. I'm sorry, but also, eat a dick. She was in the wrong.
Back to our regularly scheduled program:
Right away, the film is visually breathtaking. The CGI used on this film was AMAZING! It was like, if James Cameron and Disney had a baby and it's name was a shit ton of money. Because that's what was thrown into this film to make it visually appealing.
So much so, that you almost forget that the movie is BORING AS FUCK!!!
The ideals of machines taking over, politicians are dirty as fuck, and the destruction of humanity are lightly touched while the plot of revenge becomes the main focus of this film. And even in that, I can't believe Scarlett Johansson is really interested in this. I understand that her entire body is a machine, but she has a brain, which mean she's capable of complex feels and emotions. None of which she really bothers to get into throughout this fucking film!
And, besides the fact that I was irritated as shit about her being the main character, I was also disturbed by the fact that her past was constantly hidden in plain sight. You never get to see what she looked like before, furthering the disappearance of the Japanese woman she once was while living in the middle of futuristic Japan surrounded by Japanese people.
And, though they brought some parts of the animated film into this, it was clunky at best. The moment at the end when Saito was supposed to save her, not her saving Kuze (played by Michael Pitt by the way. You telling me there wasn't one Japanese shell out there? Or as they "perfected" this shit, they thought white was right?), it's another form of erasure IMHO. I think I saw Saito a handful of times! It was unfortunate.
Juliette Binoche got more screen time getting shot through the glass than he did!
Oh, and also, if you're going to have subtitles on an IMAX film, make sure their not cut off at the bottom of the damn screen!
I'll give this film 4 out of 10 because after you're done being dazzled by it's pretty colors, it all just seems to fall flat.
If you don't care about any of that, go check it out in theaters nationwide March 31st, 2017.
OH! I forgot to mention something. HER NAME IS NOT MAJOR!!!!
She is A MAJOR. It's a fucking rank, not her name. Like, seriously? Even when she had the opportunity to say her name, she called herself Major. Like, bitch whet?
Reviewing movies. I tried to go to once a week, but I think it's best if I post whenever. Right?