The Quick & Dirty on Logan: Stay Golden PonyBoy

As we say goodbye to James Logan Wolverine Howlett, I have to say, I'm filled with mixed emotions. On the one hand, I am sad that Hugh Jackman is hanging up his claws for good, but on the other, I have to say:

It's about fucking time!

I mean, this dude has been Wolverine for 17 fucking years! That's a feat! But also, Hugh Jackman needs to be able to relax. He gets anymore swole, I'm afraid he might pop.

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Here's a glimpse of Wolverine chronologically. I feel like he's kept up pretty well considering he was nearly 200 years old!!!

I mean, if you're going by the fact that Wolverine was what, 10-ish in 1845 and died in 2029??

He looked AMAZING!

(dismiss the 2017 on the last photo)







As you know, or should know, there will be spoilers, so if you don't want those, don't continue to read.

I loved this film! I was worried about the third act as these superhero movies tend to fall flat when it comes to telling a nicely rounded story.

Except you DC, you suck from the very beginning.

But with movies like 'The Last Stand' and 'Apocalypse,' I was more than a little hesitant to go out and see this.

What started to give me hope was the R rating they received to tell this story. Let's be honest, Wolverine is not the mutant you bring home to meet your mother. 

Without hope or expectation, I saw it.

And I was not disappointed.

The movie takes place in 2029 and mutants are all but extinct at this point as no new mutants have been reproduced for 25 years.

We find Old Man Logan and a senile Professor X who's suffering from a mental degenerative condition living out their days in isolation with the mutant tracker Caliban. Logan makes money to care for them by being a limo driver.

Things are mumbling along until a woman named Gabriela pleads for him to help her and an 11-year-old girl Laura to safety. Oh, and she worked for Alkali-Transigen corporation.

You know, the fucking bad people!!!!

Initially, Logan doesn't see the point, but that little voice inside of him finally decides to say, "Don't be a dick all your life!"

Also, after killing Gabriela, the bad guys raid his compound risking the life of him and the professor, so he kinda didn't have a choice.

Unfortunately, they get Caliban which doesn't make their little road trip easy.

Throughout the film, you quickly find out that the AT corp(Alkali-Trasigen Corporation) was taking mutant DNA and breeding little mutant weapons. Oh, and that 11-year-old Laura is his biological DAUGHTER!

Thanks Trump!

For Logan, this trip is made extraordinarily difficult because of his lack of healing ability due to age  which is even more hindered by the adamantium poisoning he's succumbing to. That with trying to keep the Professor from killing everyone around him with seizures he gets due to his own aging issues. 

Having Hugh Jackman and Sir Patrick Stewart reprise their roles one last time, and having them do it together made for a fantastic ride. The paternal feelings Logan felt towards the Professor continue in this film, though I think little Logan (Laura) takes to those feelings much easier than her curmudgeonly father.

Hugh also had to take on himself via  yet another failed mutant project X-24. A Wolverine genetic copy with none of Logan's  sensibility, but all the rage. A trained killdabeast with a depleted healing power. Even with that, he is quite the adversary.

Logan spends a lot of the movie trying to escape his animalistic side, but is forced to face it one last time to save what little humanity he has left in him.

This last film takes him through his greatest internal journey, I think, of finally opening his heart and living, even though he's on the brink of death at this point. The professor dies still trying to instill this in him all these years later. *dry sobs*

Even though this movie centers around Logan and Professor X, there were no small roles. 

Daphne Keen acted her little ass off! Even without words, she was incredible to watch. You're immediately sucked in and want to know what's so special about this little girl. You want to see her thrive, and you want to see her make the right decisions, but you also want to see her kick ass! She earns her right to live even though she was made in a lab.

And then there was Boyd Holbrook the 2nd in command. A cyborg named Pierce who was fucking up Logan's happy place, bringing along his shitty Reavers to crash the party!

And then there was the big bad boogie man Richard E. Grant who played Dr. Zander Rice. A man who was single-handedly responsible for Logan's little bundle of scissor fingered joy, and the depletion of mutants overall.

Oh, and the subsequent death of both Professor X and Logan.

Fuck you man, you suck!!!

Even Stephen Merchant as Caliban! He was a choice I would've never thought of, but even him!

Like with all superhero films, the bad guys gets theirs because Logan goes feral on them bitches!!!

As do the wee little mutant baby rejects before they head off to Canada to start anew, maybe even bringing the mutant population back from extinction... at some point, when they're of consenting age.

I have to say, my allergies were acting up something AWFUL! I had a runny nose and eyes. It was terrible.

*So many tears.*

Sure, the ending opens up for all sorts of X-men sequals, franchise setups, whatever. But one thing's for certain:

There will never be another Wolverine like Hugh Jackman. Or a Professor like Sir Pat Stew.

And so, in the loving words of our favorite mutant, I leave you with this:

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